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Sunday, October 07, 2007

The Pianist

A pianist was hired to play background music for a movie. When it was completed he asked when and where he could see the picture. The producer sheepishly confessed that it was actually a porno film and it was due out in a month.
A month later, the musician went to a porno theatre to see it. With his collar up and dark glasses on, he took a seat in the back row, next to a couple who also seemed to be in disguise.
The movie was even raunchier than he had feared, featuring group sex, S/M and even a dog.
After a while, the embarrassed pianist turned to the couple and said, "I'm only here to listen to the music."
"Yeah?" replied the man. "We're only here to see our dog."

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Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Married Life - Going to a Bar

A couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn’t wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies.

So, he said to his new wife, “Honey, I’ll be right back.” Where are you going, Coochy Coo?” asked the wife.

“I’m going to the bar, Pretty Face. I’m going to have a beer.” The wife said, “You want a beer, my love?” She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc.

The husband didn’t know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, “Yes, Lollipop…but at the bar…you know…they have frozen glasses… ”

He didn’t get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, “You want a frozen glass, Puppy Face?” She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.

The husband, looking a bit pale, said, “Yes, Tootsie Roll, but at the bar they have those hors d’oeuvres that are really delicious…I won’t be long. I’ll be right back. I promise. OK?”

“You want hors d’oeuvres, Poochie h?” She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d’oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, and pork strips.

“But my sweet honey…at the bar….you know there’s swearing, dirty words and all that…”

“You want dirty words, Cutie Pie?…”LISTEN UP D*CKHEAD! SIT DOWN, SHUT THE F*CK UP, DRINK YOUR DAMN BEER IN YOUR DAMN FROZEN MUG, AND EAT YOUR F*CKIN’ HORS D’OEUVRES. BECAUSE YOUR MARRIED ASS ISN’T GOING TO A F*CKIN’ BAR! THAT SH*IT IS OVER… GOT IT, AS*HOLE?”

…and they lived happily ever after.

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Drug dealers and software developers - a comparison












Drug Dealers


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  • Refer to their clients as "users".

  • "The first one's free!"

  • Have important Asian connections.

  • Strange jargon:

    "Stick"

    "Rock"

    "Wrap"

    "E"

    "Stash"

    "Drive-by"

    "Hit (LSD)"

    "Source"

    "The Pigs"

  • Realize that there's tons of cash in the 14- to
    25-year-old market.

  • Clients really like your stuff when it works.When it
    doesn't work they want to kill you.

  • Job is assisted by the industry's producing newer, more
    potent product.

  • Often seen in the company of pimps, hustlers and low-lifes

  • When things go wrong, a "fix" is just a phone call away,
    but may be expensive

  • A lot of people are getting rich while still teenagers.

  • Product causes unhealthy addictions.

  • Do your job well and you can sleep with sexy movie stars
    who depend on you.



Software Developers


-----------------------------------



  • Refer to their clients as "users".

  • "Download a free trial version..."

  • Have important Asian connections.

  • Strange jargon: "SCSI"

    "RTFM"

    "Packet"

    "C"

    "Cache"

    "CTRL ALT DEL"

    "Hit (WWW)"

    "Source-code"

    "Microsoft"

  • Realize that there's tons of cash in the 14- to
    25-year-old market.

  • Clients really like your stuff when it works.When it
    doesn't work they want to kill you.

  • Job is assisted by the industry's producing newer, more
    potent products.

  • Often seen in the company of marketing people, venture
    capitalists and fund managers.

  • When things go wrong, a "fix" is just a phone call away,
    but may be expensive

  • A lot of people are getting rich while still teenagers.

  • DOOM, Quake, SimCity, Duke Nukem 3D...

  • Damn! DAMN!!!



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