Social Worker

A woman walks into the downtown welfare office, trailed by 15 kids...

'WOW,' the social worker exclaims,'are they ALL YOURS???'

'Yep they are all mine,' the flustered momma sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before. She says,

'Sit down Leroy.'

All the children rush to find seats.

'Well,' says the social worker, 'then you must be here to sign up. I'll need all your children's names.'

'This one's my oldest - he is Leroy.'

'OK, and who's next?'

'Well, this one he is Leroy, also.'

The social worker raises an eyebrow but continues. One by one, through the oldest four, all boys, all named Leroy.

Then she is introduced to the eldest girl, named Leighroy!

'All right,' says the caseworker. 'I'm seeing a pattern here. Are they ALL named Leroy?'

Their Momma replied, 'Well, yes it makes it easier. When it is time to get them out of bed and ready for school,

I yell, 'Leroy!' An' when it's time for dinner, I just yell 'Leroy!' an' they all comes arunnin.' An' if I need to stop the kid who's running into the street, I just yell 'Leroy' and all of them stop. It's the smartest idea I ever had, namin' them all Leroy.'

The social worker thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles her forehead and says tentatively, 'But what if you just want ONE kid to come, and not the whole bunch?'

'I call them by their last names.'

I didnt get any money this time

A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself.

Approaching the friend he comments, "You look terrible. What's the problem?"

"My mother died in August," he said, "and left me $25,000."

"Gee, that's tough," he replied.

"Then in September," the friend continued, "My father died, leaving me $90,000."

"Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you're depressed."

"And last month my aunt died, and left me $15,000."

"Three close family members lost in three months? How sad."

"Then this month," continued, the friend, "absolutely nothing!"

Beer and music

A drunk walked into a tavern, sat down at the bar. He placed a small cardboard box on the bar, and ordered a beer.

When the beer came, he opened the box, pulled out a tiny piano and bench and set them on the bar, then ordered another beer.

When the beer came, he reached into the box, pulled out a frog, sat him on the piano bench and said, "PLAY".

The frog immediately began to play the piano. It played all the favorites, and some classical and then launched into contemporary jazz.

The man ordered another beer, and when it came he reached into the cardboard box and pulled out a little white mouse.

He set this mouse on top of the piano and said "SING".

The frog began to play the piano and the mouse began to sing, first some 'oldies but goodies', then all of the current favorites.

A man at the bar who was watching all of this approached the drunk man and offered to buy this little outfit that he had.

After a bit of negotiating, the drunk man agreed to sell it to the man for $500. The man gathered everything into the little cardboard box and ran out the door before the drunk could change his mind.

The bartender had been watching all of this goings on and said to the drunk "You damned old fool! You just sold that little outfit you had for $500 and you could have made millions off of it!"

The drunk laughed heartily and replied "I am not the fool, the guy who bought it is. Do you really think I would have sold that if that mouse could really sing?"

The bartender responded "What do you mean, I stood right here and listened to that mouse sing!"

"The joke is on you and the guy who bought that outfit my friend", chuckled the drunk. "That mouse can't sing. The frog is a ventriloquist!"