The Italian

An Italian is drinking in a New York bar when he gets a call on his cell phone. He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear, and orders a round

of drinks for everybody in the bar announcing his wife had produced a typical Italian baby boy weighing 25 pounds.

Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the Italian guy just shrugs, "That's about average back home, folks...like I said, my boy's a typical Italian bambino."

Congratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamations of "WOW"...one woman actually fainted due to sympathy pains.

Two weeks later, he returns to the bar. The bartender says, "Say you're the father of that typical Italian baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth. Everybody's been ! makin g bets about how big he'd be in two weeks. So how much does he weigh now?"

The proud father answers, "Seventeen pounds."

The bartender is puzzled, concerned, and a little suspicious. "What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds the day he was born!"

The Italian father takes a long swig of Sambuca, wipes his lips on his shirtsleeve , leans into the bartender and proudly says,

"We had him circumcised."

Husband Wanted!

A lonely widow, aged 70, decided that is was time to
get married again. She put an ad in the local newspaper that
read:

HUSBAND WANTED:

MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),
MUST NOT BEAT ME,
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME,
AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.

On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to
her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman
sitting in a wheel chair. He had no arms or legs.

"You're not really asking me to consider you, are
you?" the widow said. "Just look at you... You have no legs!"

The old gentleman smiled, "Therefore, I cannot run
around on you!"

"You don't have any arms either!" she snorted.

Again, the old man smiled, "Therefore, I can never beat you!"

She raised an eyebrow and asked intently, "Are you still good in
bed??"

The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said, "I rang
the door bell, didn't I?"

The wedding is scheduled for Saturday.

Football Finally Makes Sense!

A guy took his blond girlfriend to her first football game. They had
great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her
how she liked the experience.

"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."

Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"

Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' "I'm like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!!!!